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hangnail // 2002-02-28

all i've been thinking about today is therapy. why i'm going to therapy, why i feel silly for going to therapy, what i'm getting out of therapy, and all that other silly stuff. i feel so torn about it. in a way, i know it's good for me to get it all out and work on my problems, but i also feel so ridiculous for having to go. i know i'm not supposed to put myself down for how i feel, but it's got to be the hardest part about it.

i think i spend most of my time in that office picking at my hangnails, looking at the carpet (what are those little red flecks anyway?), staring at the walkway in the building across the way, and wondering how i'll survive if an earthquake hits right now. (speaking of earthquakes, a year ago today i was hovering in the doorway of the men's bathroom while that handsome boy held onto me so i wouldn't fall over as this building--which seems to be built on nothing more than cat litter--shook more than i thought possible. boy, does time ever pass!)

and tonight all i want to do is sit at the canterbury, have a vodka gimlet (or two, or three), read some comics, write a letter maybe, and enjoy being drunk. but i've already made plans with eli to have dinner with some friends of hers, so i guess i'll be sipping chianti while i try and be interesting and make them all like me.

before // after