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stupid, stupid death // 2003-10-17

today as i came home from school and was wresting with the magazines that had clogged up the mailbox, a man who had been walking by me, in and out of the front door with boxes of stuff, stopped to tell me that one of my neighbors had died just a few days ago. he was dead for three days before anyone found him. (and i had just been crying, senselessly really, the day before about how afraid of death i am.) the man--his brother it turns out--told me that they don't know how he died, he just died. he was forty years old. maybe it's because he was overweight, who knows? he told me a lot, i think he wanted someone to talk to.

and c is down with his mom because she is sick and she almost died, and being alone here thinking about all this death is really awful. especially because the power went out late in the afternoon, and i sat here not knowing quite what to do. seriously, it took me at least an hour to figure out that i should light some candles and unplug stuff. and then, once i unplugged almost everything in the apartment, the power came back on again.

i know i'm pretty smart, but sometimes i can be so, so stupid.

before // after