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eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee // 2005-03-07

oh god, is life beating me down. i think i've lost any sort of resiliency i ever had. i got a D on a test last week and it's killing me. i mean, seriously, a D? not to mention it was for a test i "wasn't supposed to study for" and was supposed to be "fun". how can a person not feel like a moron in that case? it's now been a full week since i got the test back and i'm still filled with grief and self-loathing. i tried to use my credit card to buy a new cell phone, but my credit card was rejected and even though i sent a check to pay it off at least two weeks ago, it's still out of commission. and now i'm totally out of money. whilst driving down the freeway last week, a rock came flying at my car from a semi-truck just ahead of me and put a huge ding in my windshield. and that ding has now spread to a large crack that is continually spreading. and then i discovered the other day that the ass warmer on the driver side of my car is no longer working. and i've spent the last six weeks going to the clinic trying to find a formula that will work for my allergies, and nothing has so far. on top of the fact that i feel as if no one is listening to me. i mean, how many times can i explain that i don't ever have congestion, that it's only just a non-stop runny nose? i don't need any fucking herbs to open up my nasal passages! and everyone at the clinic keeps trying to make the connection between the onset of my allergies and the death of my friend, which it totally logical in the world of chinese medicine, but to keep hearing it, and to feel so helpless when i hear it, is so depressing. because isn't it bad enough that my friend died, never mind being stuck with miserable allergies for the rest of my life as a reminder? ok, and the last thing, i forgot to find a partner for my techniques class tomorrow, where we're needling the points Du1 and Ren1. that doesn't sound so bad until you realize that the points are on the perineum and just above the anus. ugh. i think i might be the sole person without a partner, and i'm either a) going to be partnerless and a big deal is going to be made of it or b) stuck with the one girl in class who i really don't want to go near my private parts. why am i such a moron when it comes to these things?

blah blah more self pity blah blah. blah blah i feel defeated blah.

but really, i know these types of things are supposed to be times where i prove how resilient and strong i am, so i guess i totally fail this test. but at least it's not a D. that's worse, for real.

before // after