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corpse flower // 2005-06-29

tonight we walked over to volunteer park to see (i.e. smell) the corpse flower that is currently blooming in the conservatory. holy cow! we couldn't find the camera so i have no pictures, but i can't begin to say how huge and stinky it was. scroll down on this page to see a series of photos of the flower blooming.

i feel very much not grounded lately. i spent eight hours on monday and all of this afternoon at the clinic, and i was so spacey that i know i probably wasn't giving good treatments. and i feel so very bad about that. i only have four shifts a week this summer (four hours each) and that is already draining me. how am i supposed to do this all day, five days a week when i'm graduated and out in the world with nothing but my needles and my brain?

walking around at dusk on capitol hill tonight makes me feel like i'm really going to miss living here. i'm trying to imagine that walking around ravenna at dusk will be equally lovely, but it's hard to know right now how that will feel. will it be good? scary? stupid? empty? perfect? i don't much like change.

on friday the house is ours officially. but our weekend will be so busy we won't be moving in for at least a few more days. i want to go over there and just lie on the floor in the middle of a large, empty dark house and see what that's like. when i go to stay at my mom's house now i get scared because it's quiet and big... i need locks and doors that open to hallways with more doors with locks. not multiple doors and windows that open to the scary, dark outside.

but i also like the idea of planting things and painting walls and sitting in a backyard or on the front steps and having people over to stay and all the things that houses bring with them.

i had a pint-sized (as in a pint glass, not a "small" size) margarita tonight, preceded by two aspirin, so i suspect that is making me dreamy and sleepy.

before // after